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Mandalay Bay Las Vegas Offers Intergalactic Vacations

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mandalay_bay_12a Mandalay Bay Las Vegas is now offering upscale travelers the option of visiting other galaxies during their stay at the popular resort. MGM Mirage CEO James Martian gave us an interview to explain the exciting details about this new attraction.


Martian:
“We’ve basically integrated an FTL (faster than light) engine with the hotel’s HVAC (heating, ventilation & air conditioning) system. FTL was something we picked up from the science fiction TV series Battlestar Galactica (not the 1970s one with the fake looking Cylons). By re-watching a few key episodes several dozen times, we figured out how to actually build a faster than light engine. We also checked to make sure no one else had already patented a faster than light engine.

So, in addition to the standard $200 VIP package offered on our web site (where a limo picks you up at the airport and you get VIP line passes to everything in the resort) we also have a $10,000,000,000 VIP FTL package which adds the option of visiting Galaxy M101.

Real True Internet News: How far away is Galaxy M101?

Martian: 27 million light years. But I already know your next question… how long does it take to get there and back? That’s the really cool part of the deal… it doesn’t.

RTIN: What doesn’t what?

Martian: Traveling to Galaxy M101 does not take any time. Not to the traveler, anyway. If we were traveling AT the speed of light it would take 27 million years, each way. Our FTL engine can reach a velocity of 1,000 times the speed of light, however; so it only takes 27,000 years each way. But that’s 27,000 years earthbound time. Due to the time dilation that occurs from traveling at that speed, our travelers make the trip in about an hour each way. Our package is for 3 days and 2 nights. One day to get there, stay overnight, spend a day touring the galaxy, stay overnight again; then come back.

RTIN: But during those “three days”, haven’t 54,000 years passed on Earth?

Martian: Yes. And that’s just a minor detail we haven’t worked out yet. Although it is a hidden bonus for individuals with a lot of debt or bad credit, since when you get back; your credit is all brand new. Nobody keeps records for 54,000 years.

RTIN: … OK. So, assuming you work out that “detail”… how does the trip work exactly? In that photo it looks like the whole building launches off into space. So you’d be taking everyone in the building rather than just one traveler.

Martian: Well, that’s built into the price. Steve Wynn’s Encore resort only cost $2.3 billion to construct between 2006 and 2008. At $10 billion for each Intergalactic Vacation, we’ll be able to construct many copies of Mandalay Bay. We’re digging a huge tunnel right now which will allow us to have these copies loaded up and ready to spring out from underground. As soon as one Mandalay Bay leaves the atmosphere, a new copy will resurrect in its place from the underground tunnel. And we do make announcements every 33 minutes for several days preceding launch to make sure everyone is out of the resort except for the paid travelers. There’s no room service or housekeeping but the travelers do get to enjoy the entire resort without any crowds for three days.

RTIN: Wow. Well, I would not believe it if I didn’t see it right there in that photo.

Martian: Umm. Actually, we Photoshopped that. Mandalay Bay has not launched yet but we have tested the technology with the Frontier, Stardust, Klondike and Westward Ho. False press releases were issued stating that these resorts were demolished but actually they’re on short test runs. Stardust is scheduled to return in the year 2207.

RTIN: … and huge hotels falling out of the sky won’t be a problem in 2207?

Martian: Possibly. It’s not our problem though. Las Vegas will run out of water by 2020 so we don’t expect anything to be here by 2207. It will be all empty desert like it was in 1907.

RTIN: Well, thanks for explaining the FTL VIP package to us and good luck with the project.

Martian: Thank you. And tell everyone to use code FTL when booking online. We’re offering a discount of $1 billion to the first five customers.

Written by spamtrap

July 16, 2009 at 1:19 pm