The Real True Internet News

The US House of Representatives has rejected the much talked about $700 billion bailout plan that was intended to save failing businesses at taxpayers’ expense.

Real True Internet News was on the House floor interviewing some of the representatives who had just voted against the bailout.

“My cousin Vinny in Brooklyn lost his job a few months ago and is now homeless. Nobody bailed him out. If government won’t bail out a citizen who only needs maybe $5,000 to get back on his feet, why the heck should we give $700,000,000,000 to corrupt financial institutions? It’s absurd. You could find 700,000 homeless people and give them each a million dollars instead. If you want to stimulate the economy, that’s the right way to do it. Cut loose 700,000 new millionaires who’ve been eating out of trash cans.”

“This bailout would have cost each American taxpayer $4,830. Taxpayers who earn maybe $25,000 to $50,000 per year. While the businesses being bailed out have been paying their top level executives millions of dollars per year. Let them bail themselves out. They can afford it.”

Today marks the largest one day point loss in 15 months for the Dow Industrial Average.

Real True Internet News asked actor and financial expert Harvey Keitel for his opinion.

“The value of stocks has traditionally been on the positive side of zero. As we know, only 50 percent of numbers are higher than zero while the other half are lower than zero. Therefore, I predict that the Dow will drop into negative numbers fairly soon. This will create a lucrative market where instead of paying for stock, companies will pay investors to take ownership in shares of stock. That’s how negative value works. It’s like a pile of dog poop, nobody would pay for it; but you could pay a guy to haul it away. I predict there will be a one day frenzy of this inverse buying which will spark a record volume of trading followed by a quick recovery of the market.”